Rocks & Dominos

It always strikes without warning. By now, I should be able to anticipate, to predict…but, I am not.

The toppling of these progressions, these dominos are unpredictable. These scenarios and situations I cannot predict.

Here, this night, of all nights, when I had done remarkably well, in fact.

Mom and I had taken the girls to see lights in a nearby town.

And, as we were rounding things up, and finishing the evening. After our dinner, after seeing the lights.

After being a family…it hit me, and I felt how cold it was outside. I lost some of my edge. And, I felt the hole that is there in my heart. I could feel the wind of the windy, December night near the water go through me as if I was the only person there. As if there were no holiday season, and no laughing, no joy on the faces of the hundreds of those surrounding me.

I was without my son.

And, yet….just
what spurred this moment?

An innocent one.

We were walking along the riverfront, rounding up the remaining leg of our stroll. There is a portion, as is common with man-made portions, or engineered portions to prevent erosion, where the bleak and grey granite stones are laid. These were not boulders, as they were bowling ball size and smaller.

Well, I thought one of my daughters would enjoy walking on those, as she is the adventurous child….and, she did.

One domino.

Well, I said to Mom that the girls would enjoy, and that we need to take them to the mountains, so that they could play in the streams, as I did. These are some of the most cherished memories I have as a child.

Two dominos.

That is when it struck. Memories I had….and memories I want to help create for my children.

My hopes and dreams for him should be just as much dashed on these rocks….

Three dominos.